What could have been?
by Luckie D
Summary: Ever had those dreams of could have been or what you really want to experience? One man craves that, but he figures out a way to see what it could have been, if certain fates had not happened. Only one chapter.


**2/24/09- I swear I'm not neglecting my other one I'm working on! Been wanting to do this one since, well, don't you ever have these kinds of dreams? Not the one I'm putting now, but of what could have happened if this happened or that happened? I do and it either disturbs me or makes me smile. It really depends, I guess.  
**

Standing in the entrance of the bedroom, John watched as Maria patted the bed for Ace to leap onto while reading a book at the same time, her wondrous skills never surprising him. "Mar, can I asked you a question?" He started as he prepared for bed, seeing that it was close to eleven at night.

"Sure," She replied, not looking up from the book that was in hand, moving the comforter back with a free one, "Something about the case?"

"Not even thinking about that at the moment, but...have you ever wondered what would have happened if you had not left for Boston and stayed in Baltimore with me?" He stopped what he was doing to watch her look over the top of her book, curiosity taking over. "I mean, after I had retired from Balto, would you have stayed with me to where we are now? Maybe, having your-I mean, our son with me around?"

Frowning at the thought, she lowered the book down and placed it on the bedside table and leaned back against the headboard. "I can see us staying together if I had not gone back to Boston and having Scott there, or here. I think I get what you're saying?" She ended it with a question, hoping that she was right with what he was wondering himself, knowing full well that he often confused her with thoughts that crossed his mind. "You mean, if we had married after you retired, or I had left Boston, we'd be like a family?"

"Yes," He gave a small smile, but it faltered when he started again, "I wished I had known how to be a father, you know? Being divorced four times really knocks the thought of being a father out of the question, but when you were there..."

"I made it all feel better, right?" She finished with a smile as she crawled under the covers, removed her glasses and turned off her lamp, "It would have been wonderful if that had happened, and now I'm wishing we had that, however life's just river, John, and we can't go against the flow." Her tone was warm, not wanting to harm the already tattered dreams that he carried with him.

Sighing at her explanation and understanding it, John slipped under the covers and settled down next to her, "Can I still dream it, though?" He whispered, watching as Maria drowsily snuggled against him.

"Of course you can," She mumbled, "No one can stop your fantasies. Only you can, dear."

John smiled as he drifted off, wishing he could at least dream that....

_"I don't want to drop it, what if I drop it?" He slipped out questions as she stood before him, holding a small bundle in her arms that continued to make tiny sounds, "See? It wants you, Maria, you keep it."_

_"It's a he, not an it, and you're freaking out again, John," She smiled as she nodded in his direction, "Just hold your arms close-never mind. I'll come to you and show you how to do it instead," She changed her mind when she saw his eyebrows shoot up at her instructions. Sighing, she nodded down to the bundle in her arms, "See how my arms are positioned? That's how you hold your arms while holding him."_

_He lifted his arms and placed them into the position she had her's in, earning a chuckle from her. "What? I'm doing what you said."_

_"You look like you're imagining dancing with someone with how your arms are." Shifting the bundle to only be held on one arm, she used to free hand to move his arms and hands onto the right position before gentle placing him into his arms, "Hand under head and don't hold too tight, otherwise he will cry."_

_Feeling his nerves rising with a fear, he glanced at her as his breathing hitched. "I don't want to drop him, Maria, I really don't want to." He glanced down at the tiny infant in his arms and back at Maria, who placed a hand under his for reassurance. _

_"Is that better?" _

_Letting out a raged breath, he gave a weak smile as an answer and looked down to get a better look of the bundle in his arms, who had silenced once he felt comfortable. With tiny fists near his face, the infant stretched in his sleep, the toothless mouth opening in a yawn and small eyes peering open at him. For a small moment, John swore that it was going to cry with this unknown person holding him and not his own mother, since the look on the infant's face gave off a who-the-hell-are-you expression. "Hi, kiddo, please don't freak out on me." He begged softly, wishing for it not to cry._

_Blinking a few times, he reached a tiny hand out as if reaching for something, causing John to lower his head and the tiny fingers tried to grasp around his nose. Smiling at his reaction, and not scream his ears off, he looked over the top of his glasses at Maria, who was smiling at the actions that were happening before her. Feeling the tiny fingers leave, he looked back down and watched as Scott yawned again before falling back to sleep. "That's...wow." He chuckled to himself as Maria fixed the blanket enough, so the arm was back under the blue fabric and kept warm. _

_"He looked like you," She started, pausing as he looked back up at her, knowing what she was going to say._

_"I know it's just...a dream here," He whispered, feeling a lump rise in his throat, "I know it's not real, but I..." He stumbled with his words and looked down at the infant, who was fast asleep, and felt a hand on his shoulder. "I can still dream about him, though, so I can see him and feel what it's like to be..."_

_"I know and I wanted to tell you, but...I couldn't because I was scared of what you would say." _

_"I don't hold you responsible for what happened, sweetie, at least I can see him and hold him. Right?" _

_"Of course, John," She grasped his shoulder as he shifted his hold to use one hand to touch the fine dark hair on Scott's head. "What are you thinking?"_

_"How beautiful he is, for one thing, and how grateful I am," He paused to look at her, a smile brighten up his features, "for you to be his mother."_

Feeling Maria kick him in her sleep, John snapped his head up and wiped a free hand under his eyes, realizing he had tears in his eyes. Blinking back more that wanted to fall, he could see the outline of Maria sleeping against him, face lightly pressed in his neck, arms wrapped around him, and one leg nestled between his legs. Smiling down at her, he dragged his fingers through her hair and lightly kissed the corner of her eye, feeling her sigh against him.

Laying his head back down on his pillow, he couldn't help but smile, knowing he still could see what he didn't get to see in his dreams.

End!


End file.
